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The Nursery Rhyme News ™
Fuzzy Wuzzy's Name Deemed Ironic
Fuzzy Wuzzy, the former bear who froze to death, has been determined to have been given an ironic name.
“You see, he was a bear, but he had no hair,” states zoologist Andrew Wicks. “This leads us to the inescapable conclusion that the name, which includes the word ‘fuzzy’ was ironic in nature. He wasn’t fuzzy at all, you see. Are you getting me, here?”
The poor bear known – as we now know, ironically – as Fuzzy Wuzzy appears to have been named in such a cruel manner just to induce a tongue twister at a later date.
“The fact that someone would do this to an innocent animal just makes me want to wretch,” says Naomi Perspeck, author of the book Fuzzy, He Wasn’t. “I choke up just thinking about how awful it must have been for Fuzzy Wuzzy as a bald bear child. A cub, I guess they call them. All the other bear-kids teasing him, making him eat grubs, which are actually a staple of the bear diet anyway, but still.”
The book, only three pages long, is a tell-all biography that reveals that Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, and therefore Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy, was he? It has topped the NY Times bestsellers list for 49 straight weeks.
In a related story, “She” has decided to stop selling seashells by the seashore, because it’s stupid – you don’t make money selling seashells by the seashore; why would anyone buy them when you can just go to the seashore that’s right there and get them for free? I mean, come on. “I’ve wasted my life,” she moans, as she chews on a hermit crab.
© 2005 Scott Teel
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